Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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