Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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