Pants 0. Shit 1.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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