sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize