Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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