Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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