I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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