Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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