I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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