I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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