Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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