Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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