she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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