shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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