you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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