i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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