Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize