guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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