I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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