Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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