It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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