Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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