we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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