your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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