Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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