So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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