I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize