Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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