Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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