dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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