I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize