sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize