you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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