You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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