I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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