there's paper in my vomit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
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I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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