Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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