Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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