just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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