i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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