My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize