i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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