Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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