i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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