her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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