I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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