You just made me feel so damn special
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
