Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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