I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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