Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize